I just started reading a new book. Actually, I'm listening to the audiobook on my way to and from work. The title is “Skinny Bitch” (Rory Freedman & Kim Barnouin, Running Press, Philadelphia, 2005). No kidding, that's the title. This isn't a 'diet book' in the conventional sense. These authors are sassy, smart-ass, well, bitchy. They don't sugar-coat anything. They start out by saying that in order to get skinny, you have got to stop shoveling that crap in your mouth. In a nutshell, that's the strategy. Later on, they remind you at regular intervals to get your head out of your ass, and sprinkle the f-bomb liberally. If you are offended by vulgar language, this is not a book for you.
Basically, they're all about health. Early in they book, they tell you to quit smoking. Not exactly diet related, but definitely a healthy step. They don't give you much help about how you're going to accomplish that; they just say you gotta do it. They don't care that the biggest concern many smokers have is that they'll gain weight when they quit smoking. They just say get over it and do it. Next they tell you to quit drinking. The only alcohol they recommend is organic, sulfite-free red wine. At least this time they give you some help – they recommend Alcoholic's Anonymous if you're having trouble with this one, and give you an alternative if you like wine. From there they tell you to give up caffeine. That means all coffee, tea, soda or other caffeinated beverges. Instead you're supposed to drink herbal tea, or decaffeinated green tea. OK, now I'm starting to balk. I can see their argument with soda, I know that's full of unhealthy stuff, even though I thoroughly enjoy drinking it. But coffee and tea? Both of those are naturally caffeinated, and fine in moderation. Besides, the process used to decaffeinate coffee and tea is at least as bad for you as the caffeine. The author's argument is that they are highly acidic, and therefore rough on your digestive system. Besides, once you are eating all of the good stuff they tell you about, you'll be so full of energy that you won't need the java jolt in the morning.
They spend a lot of time talking about sugar and sugar substitutes. Regular, white sugar is highly processed (mainly by rinsing, but they call that processing). They recommend Turbinado sugar instead. It comes from the same plant as white sugar, but hasn't gone through the processing. They also like beet sugar (which also must be processed to extract the sugar), and agave nectar. They also talk about the evils of high fructose corn syrup, another source of many calories with no nutritional value that seems to appear in more foods than you can imagine. Then they go on a full-blown rant about aspertame (aka Nutrasweet or Equal), how dangerous it is and how it should not have received FDA approval in the first place. According to them, aspertame is a highly processed chemical that is linked to all sorts of maladies. I'm not sure how closely they've checked their facts. I recall a lot of internet buzz about the dangers of aspertame a few years ago – about the time this book was written. However, there was no hard science to back it up. The scientific journals reported a slim-to-none link between aspertame and the rather vague, general maladies reported. They don't have any health claims against sucralose, but don't like it because it is chemically altered sugar. For artificial sweeteners, they recommend Steevia, a plant grown in South America.
They spend some time bashing some of the recent fad diets, particularly the low-carb ones. Even though they contain carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables are so good for you, that it's crazy to avoid eating them. I'm good with that. Eating fruits and vegetables is a terrific way to get healthy, and the natural sugars found in fruit are far better than the artificial ones in processed foods.
So far, they are advocating making a total change to the way you eat. They recommend dumping all of the unnatural, artificial substances you've been consuming, and finding natural alternatives that are much better for you. I've heard this before, but never before in such a straight, in-your-face sort of way. I'm not sure I like it, but these authors certainly have attitude – lots of attitude.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Don't P!$$ Me Off
Toward the end of last week I was reminded of exactly what it is that puts me in the category of 'emotional eater.' I don't eat when I'm happy, or sad, or depressed. OK, maybe a little. But if you want to see a full-blown binge, just get me mad. I'm not talking the garden variety cut-me-off-in-traffic annoyed here, either. I'm talking mad, furious – f-ing p!$$ed off.
It happens every time. This time it was work related, but it isn't always. I get PO'd, and the next thing I know, I've eaten half a cake, or a full pound of M&Ms. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's handy. And today, four days later, I'm still feeling full and bloated, and we won't even talk about the scale.
So, clearly I still need to work on this issue. Last year when something like this came up, a wise person said “Don't let it piss you off.” Good advice, but how do you do it, really? Looking back, there have been times when I've been able to stop the binge. The times I've been most successful have been when the person who irritated me has known me for a long time. That is, knew me back when I was fat. Those times I can say to myself “I'm not giving you the satisfaction of seeing me get fat again,” then I go for a walk, or find another way to deal with the fury. That approach doesn't work as well with newer acquaintances and business associates. Many of them never knew me heavy. As far as they know, I've always been this size. Would it work to have the same attitude, though? In a way, allowing someone to irritate me to the point I go on a food binge is giving that person a lot of power over me. Even those this person never knew me fat, I'm on track to show them all what fat Vicky looks like. Does this irritant really deserve that much control over my life?
I think not.
It happens every time. This time it was work related, but it isn't always. I get PO'd, and the next thing I know, I've eaten half a cake, or a full pound of M&Ms. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's handy. And today, four days later, I'm still feeling full and bloated, and we won't even talk about the scale.
So, clearly I still need to work on this issue. Last year when something like this came up, a wise person said “Don't let it piss you off.” Good advice, but how do you do it, really? Looking back, there have been times when I've been able to stop the binge. The times I've been most successful have been when the person who irritated me has known me for a long time. That is, knew me back when I was fat. Those times I can say to myself “I'm not giving you the satisfaction of seeing me get fat again,” then I go for a walk, or find another way to deal with the fury. That approach doesn't work as well with newer acquaintances and business associates. Many of them never knew me heavy. As far as they know, I've always been this size. Would it work to have the same attitude, though? In a way, allowing someone to irritate me to the point I go on a food binge is giving that person a lot of power over me. Even those this person never knew me fat, I'm on track to show them all what fat Vicky looks like. Does this irritant really deserve that much control over my life?
I think not.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
My Round Life
I just finished reading 'Born Round: The Secret History of a Full-time Eater,' by Frank Bruni (Penguin Press, New York, 2009). Frank Bruni was the Chief Restaurant Critic for the New York Times. He also spent a lifetime fighting compulsive eating, compulsive dieting, and all of the turmoil and trauma that goes with it. Funny that someone with that kind of history could eat for a living and still maintain a healthy weight, but Frank managed to do just that.
In many ways, his life and eating habits are pretty typical of those of us with 'food issues.' He was a chubby child, and started his first diet before he was a teenager. He alternated compulsive eating with compulsive dieting, which included experimenting with purging, laxatives and speed. He would go on a multi-day binge, with the promise that he would 'diet' the next day, meaning eating only fruit, soup, or whatever the diet du jour required. He also wasted far too much of his life waiting until he was 'thin enough.' For example, he would postpone dates for weeks at a time until he fellt 'thin enough' to be seen naked. He would cancel out on friends he hadn't seen in a long time if he had gained weight. Not everyone has been that neurotic. All of us binge, but many never purged or took laxatives or speed. But I'm sure we can all agree the we're all a bit neurotic about our weight.
Frank ultimately found his own way out of the fat trap. For him, it occurred while he was living in Europe. While there, he observed what has been called the 'French Paradox,' that odd combination of people eating incredibly rich food, not exercising compulsively, but not struggling with the obesity that plagues this nation. (Unfortunately, Europeans who have started adopting our eating style are starting to gain weight, but that's a topic for another day.) What Frank learned was by focusing on eating high quality food, he didn't have the urge to eat the quantity. He found that when he had a truly good meal, which frequently consists of several courses, and didn't beat himself up about all of the calories he was consuming, he didn't have the urge to stuff his face with anything that wasn't nailed down, resulting in many more calories. He carried that philosophy into his restaurant critic career. Frank ate dinner at a restaurant every night of the week – sometimes more than once a night. But he discovered that knowing that another awesome meal was coming the next day kept him from overindulging. He said that he frequently ate just a few bites of each dish, and then he was done. Imagine that. Having a fabulous meal,then eating less than half of it.
The other thing he did was exercise, and he is very dedicated to that. He changes up his routine, at times doing pilates, other times working with weights, and he's an avid runner. Frank feels that exercise is one of the most important things he can do for himself.
But Frank still has his moments. He recounts a time when he binged, then didn't feel like working out, then within a few days his clothes were feeling snug. It really happens that fast. But he recognized what was going on, and forced himself to the gym, and started his healthy lifestyle over again.
I found his story inspiring. It amazes me that someone who is every bit as much of a compulsive eater as I am could live and work surrounded by food – really good food – and manage to maintain a healthy weight. For me the message was to eat well. If you are eating well – meaning good quality food, and you know that your next meal will be equally good, it helps to turn off your inner voice that says “Eat it all now, because who knows what the next meal will contain.” Congrats, Frank, and keep up the good work.
PS Frank Bruni is no longer a restaurant critic. He now does general interest and food-related for the New York Times. Check him out at http://dinersjournal.blogs.nytimes.com/author/frank-bruni/ .
In many ways, his life and eating habits are pretty typical of those of us with 'food issues.' He was a chubby child, and started his first diet before he was a teenager. He alternated compulsive eating with compulsive dieting, which included experimenting with purging, laxatives and speed. He would go on a multi-day binge, with the promise that he would 'diet' the next day, meaning eating only fruit, soup, or whatever the diet du jour required. He also wasted far too much of his life waiting until he was 'thin enough.' For example, he would postpone dates for weeks at a time until he fellt 'thin enough' to be seen naked. He would cancel out on friends he hadn't seen in a long time if he had gained weight. Not everyone has been that neurotic. All of us binge, but many never purged or took laxatives or speed. But I'm sure we can all agree the we're all a bit neurotic about our weight.
Frank ultimately found his own way out of the fat trap. For him, it occurred while he was living in Europe. While there, he observed what has been called the 'French Paradox,' that odd combination of people eating incredibly rich food, not exercising compulsively, but not struggling with the obesity that plagues this nation. (Unfortunately, Europeans who have started adopting our eating style are starting to gain weight, but that's a topic for another day.) What Frank learned was by focusing on eating high quality food, he didn't have the urge to eat the quantity. He found that when he had a truly good meal, which frequently consists of several courses, and didn't beat himself up about all of the calories he was consuming, he didn't have the urge to stuff his face with anything that wasn't nailed down, resulting in many more calories. He carried that philosophy into his restaurant critic career. Frank ate dinner at a restaurant every night of the week – sometimes more than once a night. But he discovered that knowing that another awesome meal was coming the next day kept him from overindulging. He said that he frequently ate just a few bites of each dish, and then he was done. Imagine that. Having a fabulous meal,then eating less than half of it.
The other thing he did was exercise, and he is very dedicated to that. He changes up his routine, at times doing pilates, other times working with weights, and he's an avid runner. Frank feels that exercise is one of the most important things he can do for himself.
But Frank still has his moments. He recounts a time when he binged, then didn't feel like working out, then within a few days his clothes were feeling snug. It really happens that fast. But he recognized what was going on, and forced himself to the gym, and started his healthy lifestyle over again.
I found his story inspiring. It amazes me that someone who is every bit as much of a compulsive eater as I am could live and work surrounded by food – really good food – and manage to maintain a healthy weight. For me the message was to eat well. If you are eating well – meaning good quality food, and you know that your next meal will be equally good, it helps to turn off your inner voice that says “Eat it all now, because who knows what the next meal will contain.” Congrats, Frank, and keep up the good work.
PS Frank Bruni is no longer a restaurant critic. He now does general interest and food-related for the New York Times. Check him out at http://dinersjournal.blogs.nytimes.com/author/frank-bruni/ .
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Sans Sugar, Part 2
Going sugar-free has had some good consequences also. As I've stated in earlier posts, I have this M&M monkey on my back. When I hear the little candies hitting the bowl, like Pavlov's dogs, my mouth starts to water. In addition, I walk past the bowl at least 50 times a day as I make my rounds through the office. There's only one aisle in this part of the office, so if I want to see what my staff is up to, I have to walk past the M&Ms. And yes, those evil little buggers still know my name.
One thing I've discovered since I decided to give up processed sugar, is that it is now much easier to walk past the M&M dish. When I approach it, I tell myself “I don't eat processed sugar.” and what do you know? It's working. Being the one who doesn't eat sugar makes it much easier to pass on candy or any other treats that magically appear in the office each week. There's no longer any decision to make, no agonizing over good choices or bad choices, or wondering how many points are in a handful, or trying to tell that candy demon to shut up.
I don't eat processed sugar. Therefore, I don't eat M&Ms. Case closed.
Then, I learned that the converse of this is also true. After several days, during a particularly stressful moment, I decided I deserved a little treat. A treat of just one M&M is a treat, right? Well I learned that one is all it takes. One. Just one little M&M morsel, and something snapped. I spent the rest of the day craving sweets. I almost bought a candy bar at the grocery store. I haven’t done that in years. And fruit didn’t cut it. I wanted sugar. Processed sugar. I don’t know if that’s a normal reaction to having sugar after being clean, or if it’s because, as I’ve said earlier, I’m not like normal eaters. Processed sugar triggers something in me that craves more. And more. And more.
One more time: I don't eat processed sugar. Therefore, I don't eat M&Ms. Repeat as necessary.
One thing I've discovered since I decided to give up processed sugar, is that it is now much easier to walk past the M&M dish. When I approach it, I tell myself “I don't eat processed sugar.” and what do you know? It's working. Being the one who doesn't eat sugar makes it much easier to pass on candy or any other treats that magically appear in the office each week. There's no longer any decision to make, no agonizing over good choices or bad choices, or wondering how many points are in a handful, or trying to tell that candy demon to shut up.
I don't eat processed sugar. Therefore, I don't eat M&Ms. Case closed.
Then, I learned that the converse of this is also true. After several days, during a particularly stressful moment, I decided I deserved a little treat. A treat of just one M&M is a treat, right? Well I learned that one is all it takes. One. Just one little M&M morsel, and something snapped. I spent the rest of the day craving sweets. I almost bought a candy bar at the grocery store. I haven’t done that in years. And fruit didn’t cut it. I wanted sugar. Processed sugar. I don’t know if that’s a normal reaction to having sugar after being clean, or if it’s because, as I’ve said earlier, I’m not like normal eaters. Processed sugar triggers something in me that craves more. And more. And more.
One more time: I don't eat processed sugar. Therefore, I don't eat M&Ms. Repeat as necessary.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Sans Sugar
I just finished Michael Pollan's 'In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto' (2008, New York: Penguin Group). What an eye-opener. His main premise is that most of what you find in the grocery store isn'tbreally food. Rather, it's 'processed food products' or 'edible food-like substgances' that are not all that nutritious. He feels that the obesity epidemic this country is facing has more to do with people consuming these products rather than real food. His solution? It's quite simple. Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. By food, he means real food – the kind your grandmother (or great-grandmother) would recognize.
So I decided to give it a try. I've been stuggling a bit lately. A pound up, a pound down. If I were 'right' on my goal weight, I wouldn't complain, but I'm not. I'm still trying to get rid of the 15 pounds or so I put on during a particularly stressful time at work. That project was finished a long time ago, but the weight hasn't fallen off. At this point, I have nothing to lose but a few pounds. Then, as luck would have it, at the next Weight Watcher's meeting I attended, guess what the topic was? The meeting was devoted to the 'Simply Filling Technique,' where you focus on eating wwhat they call 'filling foods' – which by the way, are very similar to the 'real food' that Pollan suggests – that is – non-processed, whole grains, lots of fruit and vegetables.
But let's face it, this is not an easy task. Get rid of all processed foods? No more non-dairy creamer, pizza, spaghetti sauce? I decided to start small. I decided to eliminate processed sugar. This seems to be the number 1 ingredient in most processed foods, and the one causing the most controversy. Maybe this was a bit too large of a step, because I have since discovered that sugar is even where you least expect it.
Day 1. I'm a coffee wimp. I like it with cream and sugar. Especially flavored creamer. One friend said it turned coffee into candy. Yup, she was right. But I bought the sugar-free variety, so I'm good, right? Not so fast. One look at the ingredient label and I almost lost my sugar-free teeth. The first ingredient was water. No surprise there, but if this product is mostly water, what am I paying for? The second ingredient? Corn Syrup! Huh? How can there be corn syrup in a sugar-free product? I've used corn syrup in baking, and I know what it is. It is thick, liquid sugar. Of course, there is a little asterisk next to it. If you follow down to the fine print, it says 'not a significant source of sugar.' I'm no nutritionist, but I do know that nutritional labels list ingredients in order of quantity – by weight to be exact. So would someone please explain to me how in blazes can sugar not be 'significant,' when it is the SECOND ingredient listed? Combined with the teaspoon of sugar I also dump in the coffee, I'm getting quite the sugar jolt along with my caffeine in the morning. This fancy candy-like creamer is no longer looking like a very good choice in my quest for 'clean' eating.
So...lifestyle change #1. Skim milk and honey in my coffee. Yes, I should grow up and drink my coffee black. Baby steps. Baby steps.
So I decided to give it a try. I've been stuggling a bit lately. A pound up, a pound down. If I were 'right' on my goal weight, I wouldn't complain, but I'm not. I'm still trying to get rid of the 15 pounds or so I put on during a particularly stressful time at work. That project was finished a long time ago, but the weight hasn't fallen off. At this point, I have nothing to lose but a few pounds. Then, as luck would have it, at the next Weight Watcher's meeting I attended, guess what the topic was? The meeting was devoted to the 'Simply Filling Technique,' where you focus on eating wwhat they call 'filling foods' – which by the way, are very similar to the 'real food' that Pollan suggests – that is – non-processed, whole grains, lots of fruit and vegetables.
But let's face it, this is not an easy task. Get rid of all processed foods? No more non-dairy creamer, pizza, spaghetti sauce? I decided to start small. I decided to eliminate processed sugar. This seems to be the number 1 ingredient in most processed foods, and the one causing the most controversy. Maybe this was a bit too large of a step, because I have since discovered that sugar is even where you least expect it.
Day 1. I'm a coffee wimp. I like it with cream and sugar. Especially flavored creamer. One friend said it turned coffee into candy. Yup, she was right. But I bought the sugar-free variety, so I'm good, right? Not so fast. One look at the ingredient label and I almost lost my sugar-free teeth. The first ingredient was water. No surprise there, but if this product is mostly water, what am I paying for? The second ingredient? Corn Syrup! Huh? How can there be corn syrup in a sugar-free product? I've used corn syrup in baking, and I know what it is. It is thick, liquid sugar. Of course, there is a little asterisk next to it. If you follow down to the fine print, it says 'not a significant source of sugar.' I'm no nutritionist, but I do know that nutritional labels list ingredients in order of quantity – by weight to be exact. So would someone please explain to me how in blazes can sugar not be 'significant,' when it is the SECOND ingredient listed? Combined with the teaspoon of sugar I also dump in the coffee, I'm getting quite the sugar jolt along with my caffeine in the morning. This fancy candy-like creamer is no longer looking like a very good choice in my quest for 'clean' eating.
So...lifestyle change #1. Skim milk and honey in my coffee. Yes, I should grow up and drink my coffee black. Baby steps. Baby steps.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
What's the Connection?
Last week I was on a radio show (listen to the podcase on http://940wfaw.com/pages/6577831.php Monday, July 19) promoting an upcoming book signing. My book is a poetry chapbook called Angel's Land. On August 31 I'll be participating in the Velveteen Rabbit bookshop's(http://www.velveteenrabbitbookshop.com/) 'Author Extravaganza' from 9:00 am until 11:00.
The poems in this book all relate to life on Lake Koshkonong, where I lived in the shadow of Chief Blackhawk, flooding, and an alcoholic husband. I loved the history of Chief Blackhawk, learned to cope with the flooding, but the alcoholic husband was a bit too much.
As I was preparing for the radio show, I expected the announcer to ask about what I'm writing today. These days most of my writing takes the form of this blog. It's important to me, because maintaining my weight loss is important to me.
So, what's the connection between this blog and Angel's Land? I had to think about that for a little while. But it finally occurred to me that during my relationship, marriage and ultimate divorce from Rick I gained sixty pounds. Yes...that's sixty. And when I left, the weight didn't magically disappear. It stuck around. I went up some, and down some, but I was still obese. As I've mentioned before, I have always struggled with my weight, but I was winning the struggle when I met him. It was afterwards that things went downhill.
During that marriage, I was living a dual life. On the one hand, I was living on an invisible powder keg and rubbing sticks together. I always knew something was going to blow, but I didn't know what or when. Would I come home to find my husband passed out on the kitchen floor? Would he start throwing up in bed? Would he wake me up in the middle of the night and scream at me for something, real or imagined? So on the one hand I spent every waking hour waiting for something bad to happen, but on the other I was pretending that everthing was fine. I went to work every day (usually two jobs), was a Sunday School teacher, took classes and played piccolo in the City Band. I was just like any other young, newly married woman, right?
What I've learned since then is that the human body cannot maintain that level of stress indefinitely. Sooner or later, things start to break down.
For me, the breakdown was that my out-of-control life resulted in out-of-control eating. The 'dirty little secret' of my home life showed itself on my body, and I was too stressed out to notice. And it took me ten years to figure out the connection.
The poems in this book all relate to life on Lake Koshkonong, where I lived in the shadow of Chief Blackhawk, flooding, and an alcoholic husband. I loved the history of Chief Blackhawk, learned to cope with the flooding, but the alcoholic husband was a bit too much.
As I was preparing for the radio show, I expected the announcer to ask about what I'm writing today. These days most of my writing takes the form of this blog. It's important to me, because maintaining my weight loss is important to me.
So, what's the connection between this blog and Angel's Land? I had to think about that for a little while. But it finally occurred to me that during my relationship, marriage and ultimate divorce from Rick I gained sixty pounds. Yes...that's sixty. And when I left, the weight didn't magically disappear. It stuck around. I went up some, and down some, but I was still obese. As I've mentioned before, I have always struggled with my weight, but I was winning the struggle when I met him. It was afterwards that things went downhill.
During that marriage, I was living a dual life. On the one hand, I was living on an invisible powder keg and rubbing sticks together. I always knew something was going to blow, but I didn't know what or when. Would I come home to find my husband passed out on the kitchen floor? Would he start throwing up in bed? Would he wake me up in the middle of the night and scream at me for something, real or imagined? So on the one hand I spent every waking hour waiting for something bad to happen, but on the other I was pretending that everthing was fine. I went to work every day (usually two jobs), was a Sunday School teacher, took classes and played piccolo in the City Band. I was just like any other young, newly married woman, right?
What I've learned since then is that the human body cannot maintain that level of stress indefinitely. Sooner or later, things start to break down.
For me, the breakdown was that my out-of-control life resulted in out-of-control eating. The 'dirty little secret' of my home life showed itself on my body, and I was too stressed out to notice. And it took me ten years to figure out the connection.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Wrong Way
This past week my son and I travelled to Missouri to visit my parents. I had been to their new home a few times, but the last trip was over a year ago, so I handed my son the map and directions and asked him to let me know where to turn. He did his best, but at one point his 10-year-old map-reading skills had me turn left when I should have turned right. Within a few miles, I realized we were going the wrong way. I pulled off the highway, reviewed the map and instructions, deteremined the correct course, turned around, and continued. He was very upset that he made a mistake, but I told him that it was a good thing he made it, so I could show him what to do when he discovers he's made a wrong turn: stop, evaluate, correct, continue. It's really not a big deal. We were side-tracked for a little while, but we still got to my parent's in time for dinner.
It occurred to me that this is a good procedure to follow even when my weight is going the 'wrong way.' How often have I made a not-so-good choice, then said “what the hell, I've already blown it,” and continued to eat until my stomach hurt? If I was travelling and discovered I was going the wrong way, would I continue going that way just because I'd gone this far already? It makes logical sense, in a weird, warped sort of way, but I would never get where I was going. The same thing goes for my eating choices. If I'm going the wrong way, it's time to stop, evaluate, correct, continue. If I decide to continue, continue, continue, I'm guaranteed to get hopelesslly lost.
It occurred to me that this is a good procedure to follow even when my weight is going the 'wrong way.' How often have I made a not-so-good choice, then said “what the hell, I've already blown it,” and continued to eat until my stomach hurt? If I was travelling and discovered I was going the wrong way, would I continue going that way just because I'd gone this far already? It makes logical sense, in a weird, warped sort of way, but I would never get where I was going. The same thing goes for my eating choices. If I'm going the wrong way, it's time to stop, evaluate, correct, continue. If I decide to continue, continue, continue, I'm guaranteed to get hopelesslly lost.
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